Printer Apology Hotline

Create a 35-second comedy hotline message spoken by an original overly formal synthetic narrator representing a printer. Use [harmless printer failure] as the premise. Include one paper-rustle sound, a two-second awkward pause and a final callback that admits the document is still not printed. Keep humor about the machine, not a person. No recognizable brand voices, real phone numbers or loud error beeps. Provide the spoken transcript.

Generate playable audio using an original synthetic voice or original sound design, not a celebrity imitation. If audio output is unavailable, return a timed production script and disclose that limitation.